


Salt & Pepper: Correspondence

by yellowumbrellagirl



Series: Salt and Pepper [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:30:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowumbrellagirl/pseuds/yellowumbrellagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another installment of the Salt & Pepper story. </p><p>In which Tess plays operator, Pepper's wires get crossed and Tony gets an inkling of things gone by.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Salt & Pepper: Correspondence

To: vpotts@starkindustries.com  
From: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com  
Subject: re: Sorry about missing you

Hey Pep, just a quick note for you.

Glad to hear your flight back to California was uneventful despite the weather front that hit as you left. Yes I do understand why you had to blow us off and no I am not pissed. You are right though, it has been just a bit awkward with me and Smitty – but still pretty damn good. Just a small world – who knew that he was in NYC now? He said the funniest thing though. He said that he thought that I knew that he had a crush on me in college – to which I say whaaaa? He said that you knew – why did you never tell me this? I will make you pay for that Potts. Is this payback for telling Tony the reindeer story? If so, well played, well played indeed. When are you coming back to NYC? Cheers,

Tess

P.S. Was Tony ok? He had one hell of a black eye, and was he limping?

 

To: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com  
From: vpotts@starkindustries.com  
Subject: re: re: Sorry about missing you

Once again I say that you are truly the best Tess! I was really hoping to get to see you guys… You totally knew about Smitty – everyone did! I even told you about it the night of the bond fire – you know the one I mean – I know I told you. . .And no, your payback for the reindeer story, well, telling you when would spoil the surprise…

Yes, Tony is ok, he had a small mishap, not the first I can assure you. But no permanent damage. Anyway, glad to hear from you. Not sure when we are headed back unfortunately, but next time I promise I will move mountains – I will even leave Tony unattended – to see you guys!

Miss ya.

Pepper

P.S Cheers you say? Should I be raising a glass for you? 

 

To: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com, vpotts@starkindustries.com  
From: tstark@starkindustries.com  
Subject: re: re: re: Sorry about missing you

You know, it is considered rude to talk about someone behind their back. But I am overwhelmed by your tender mercies Tess my darling. Don’t let Pepper fool you, I survived great peril and personal anguish in the fulfillment of my duties as hero! Even though Pepper is still mean to me and won’t give me full body massages, anoint me with oils, or feed me grapes upon my return as is fit a true hero. . . So it’s nice to know I’m appreciated.

Smitty? The name is familiar from your tales of college shenanigans. Do I have competition? What are we drinking to? And why aren’t I ever invited out to meet your friends Pepper? Such hostility, but at least Tess cares – so there.

Tony

P.S. Just to inform you Ms. Potts, I am perfectly capable of fending for myself. I do not require constant attention.

 

To: tstark@starkindustries.com, yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com  
From: vpotts@starkindustries.com  
Subject: re: re: re: re: Sorry about missing you

Tony Stark,

What have I told you about hacking into my email? There is no reason for it at all.

P

P.S. Have you signed those contracts yet? You have more important things to do than snooping. 

 

To: tstark@starkindustries.com, vpotts@starkindustries.com  
From: yellowunbrellagirl@gmail.com  
Subject: re: re: re: re: re: Sorry to have missed you

Now who is hitting reply all dinkus? But yes. Salante, as granddad Morton used to say – looking up from his spot on the bar floor. . .

Tony, glad to hear that even with Pepper’s cruel treatment of your own superhero self that you are all right. But it does make me sad she treats you so – not even a back rub, my tears for your mistreatment blur my vision as I type. But seriously why the snooping? I should be pissed at you for dragging my friend away too early.

Tess

P.S. Pepper, you know full well that my recall from that “Bonfire” is hazy at best.

 

To: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com, vpotts@starkindustries.com  
From: tstark@starkindustries.com  
Subject: SO THERE

See Pepper? Tess called me a superhero – at least she appreciates me – so there! Is one lousy back rub too much to ask?

Tess I didn’t drag Pepper away – I never drag her anywhere – unless she asks nicely that is. . . Something had to get taken care of, and you don’t have the clearance. Sorry. And don’t evade my question about the ‘Smitty’ character – if that is even his real name. . . Pepper can we get a background check on this guy?

Tony “The Unappreciated” Iron Man

P.S. I am not snoopy – I am supervising my employee’s use of the company email. And anyway Pepper, this is more fun that signing contracts. Plus I can’t find my pen.

 

To: tstark@starkindustries.com, yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com  
From: vpotts@starkindustries.com  
Subject: re: SO THERE

Tess, I had warned you about this. Now he won’t let it go. And thank you so very much of putting the idea of me rubbing his back into his head. 

Tony, check behind you left ear. Your pen was there last time I saw you – which was less than ten minutes ago. Stop stalling, start signing. And don’t even think of asking Jarvis to run a background on Smitty – I have already told him it is not business related and could lead to a lawsuit – so that has kicked off protocol 47B. 

 

To: vpotts@starkindustries.com, tstark@starkindustries.com  
From: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com  
Subject: re: re: SO THERE

Pep,

There is no need to snap – you cut me to the quick. But I will forgive you – eventually. But I digress. So I was thinking, I have decided what to get for my third tattoo. When you come into town next time do you want to go with me? You could get your second one. I know, I know, super tempting right?

See Tony – I am ignoring your comments, and by extension you. You should be signing the things that Pepper gives you. 

 

To: yellowumbrellagirl@gmail.com, vpotts@starkindustries.com  
From: tstark@starkindustries.com  
Subject: re: re: re: SO THERE

Why am I always the last to know these things? Ms. Potts how could you keep this from me? It’s a butterfly isn’t it? 

Tess, I thought we were friends. I showed you mine after all. . .

I am hurt, deeply, deeply hurt by this revelation. 

Tony

P.S. Ms. Potts, in the interest of national security I think that you should show me this “distinguishing mark”. Just in case. For identification purposes.

 

Tess chuckled a bit as she read Tony’s last email. She really should know better, and she did, but. . . That thought was interrupted by her cell phone. Tess was not surprised to see Pepper’s number on the caller ID.

“Hey what’s up?” she asked casually as she waited for the molten vitriol from the West Coast to pour into her ear.

“Only my hopes that someday we will be reunited,” came Tony’s voice in a seductive rumble. Tess gave an involuntary shiver. Damn he was good.

“Um, hey Pepper’s Boss. Can I ask why you have Pepper’s phone?”

“Oh I don’t” came the gleeful voice on the other end, “I’ve just cloned her number. And her contact list.” 

“Wow. That’s not extremely inappropriate or stalker like in any way,” Tess said in a voice laden with sarcasm. “There is a term we use in the head shrinking biz. It’s a useful and simple one. It’s called boundaries. I suggest you look up the term before Pepper takes you apart with a can opener.”

Tony’s laugh was eager, “Well I won’t tell her if you don’t. Plus, see all that she hides from me? It’s a bad habit that seems to be rubbing off on you Salts.”

“Oh Tony,” Tess said in her best suggestive purr, “I have so many bad habits.”

“Hmmm.”  
“Wait,” Tess said in a normal tone, “Did you just call me Salts?” A loud beep on her phone line announced another incoming call. “Hang on a sec Tony,” she said cutting him off mid protest. 

Not surprising, Pepper was on the other line. Ok time to nip this in the bud. After hitting a few buttons she connected all three of them. 

“Hey Pep,” Tess said in a calm tone.

“Tess why the hell. . .” Pepper was in a high temper indeed.

“Pepper?” Tony’s surprise made his voice pitch slightly higher.

“Tony!? Tess what the fu. . .” anger crackled in Pepper’s voice.

Tess heaved a dramatic sigh. “Don’t make me pull this car over, because I will. I can’t help it that I am popular Pep. Tony called me.”

“Probably to pump you for information,” Pepper said in a deadly calm tone. 

“Wait, how did he get your cell number?”

“Umm,” Tony sounded a tiny bit nervous. 

Tess smiled to herself and said in a matter of fact tone, “I work for S.H.I.E.L.D Pepper, they have all my contact info. There is this thing called a company directory.” ‘Ha, Tess thought to herself, your ass is mine Stark.

There was a moment of very tense silence. 

“Soooooo aaaaanyway,” Tess drawled. The silence was full of danger.

“Tony,” Pepper sounded calm, and both Tess and Tony knew this was a warning sign. “Have you found your pen?”

“Uh, yeah,” Tony was wary.

“Does it work?” the tone was all sweetness and light, but that light was a train barreling up the tracks.

“I think so,” there was a faint scribbling sound heard over the line, “yeah it works.”

“I am so glad. So there should be no complications on you applying said utensil to paper and writing your name. If you need help with the spelling I am sure Jarvis will be more than willing to help. You have five minutes. Starting now. And keep in mind it takes me less than two minutes to walk to your office. If I arrive and there is no ink on that paper,” Pepper took a breath and her next words, while said in a professional tone with no malice evident, but still radiated hell fire, “You pen will not be so easily found next time. As I will have to schedule you an appointment with a proctologist first.”

There was a clunk as the phone hit the desk and both women heard frantic scribbling.

“Nicely done Pep,” Tess said in a low tone. “Beautiful in its own horrifying way.”

Pepper gave a small chuckle, then she became serious again. “I’m really sorry Tess. I don’t know how he got your number.”

Not as sorry as you’ll be if he decides to drunk dial anyone on your contact list, Tess thought. Or as sorry as Tony will be if Pepper ever found out that he cloned her phone. But she said sincerely, “It’s ok Pep. I don’t mind.”

“You don’t now,” Pepper said knowingly. “If it ever becomes a problem, let me know and I will handle it.”

The way Pepper said ‘handle it’ made Tess think of sharp, pointy, stabby things. 

“It will be fine. And remember I am a mental health professional.”

“Hm,” Pepper said thoughtfully. 

“You headed to his office?” 

“Yup.”

Over the phone Tess could hear Pepper’s heel clicking, the sound of rustling papers, and Tony’s, “Uh, hey. Looked all signed.”

Tess laughed out loud at what she imaged Pepper’s expression to be. They both must have heard her because after a second of what sounded like the scrabbling of plastic on a hard surface,

“What’s so funny Salts?” Tony growled.

“Oh I am just expressing my joy at the wonders of the universe,” Tess said trying to force back her snicker.

“Whatever,” Tony said with a little sulk in his voice. 

“Tess,” Pepper’s voice came back clearly over the line. “Two things. One,” Pepper’s voice held a note of genuine happiness and caring, “I am really happy about you and Smitty. I will be toasting you later tonight,” she gave a small insinuating chuckle. “And two,” now Pepper’s tone was all sharp professionalism, “Tony has a meeting in twenty minutes, so he can’t be on too long. You hear me Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah,” grumbled Tony.

“I’ll call you later Tess. Details. Oh and Tony, I warned you about playing with that neighbor girl, with all her wicked ways and bad influences. So I will be confiscating your Blackberry before the meeting.” And with a laugh Pepper hung up.

“She can try,” Tony mumbled petulantly. “Those meetings are so boring I can hear my brain cells die.”

“You sure that it’s not your liver screaming for mercy,” Tess said dryly. 

Tony gave a chuckle. “Both are probably true. Sooooooo,” his tone was an audible leer, “Pepper has a tattoo you say?”

“I do say.”

“And you have two already,” Tony was thoughtful. “Why haven’t I seen any of them?

“It is all about placement. One of mine is on my foot. But you had your hand on the other one when danced.”

“Huh?” Tony sounded confused, “Where did,” it dawned on him, “Oh. Hmm.”

The silence hummed for a second while they both remembered there rather charged moment on the dance floor.

“Hips or spine?” Tony asked.

“Spine. Your thumb was right on it.” 

“I see. Why didn’t you mention it at the time?” Tony’s tone was slightly teasing, but there was also a current of intensity to the question.

“I was, hm, preoccupied,” Tess said carefully. There was another humming silence.

“Where’s Pepper’s,” Tony asked eagerly.

“If she hasn’t shown you, then I won’t tell,” Tess said primly.

“Now that’s not fair!”

“Nope.”

“What are yours?” Tony asked trying not to sound too excited.

“The one on my foot, which is on my right big toe before you ask, is a winged foot.”

“Like the Goodyear symbol?” Tony scoffed.

“Exactly. Actually it is the Goodyear symbol.” Tess said nonchalantly. 

“Why in the hell would you get that?” Tony asked incredulously. 

“Because,” Tess said matter of factly, “My Dad is from Akron, Ohio – where Goodyear was founded. And cause I thought it would help me run faster when I played soccer.”

“Oh,” Tony paused considering, “Makes sense I guess. You played soccer?”

“Varsity in college.” Tess said with a hint of pride.

“Huh. Never figured you for a jock. What about the other one?” Tony was not one to be distracted when he wanted to know something.

“Celtic knot,” Tess said casually.

“I see. Self-explanatory there Ms. Morton, not that the red hair wasn’t a clue or anything.” Tony chuckled. But he would not be deterred from his ultimate goal. “Was I right? Does Pepper have a butterfly tattoo?”

Tess scoffed. “Seriously? We were not sorority girls Mr. Stark,” Tess chided good naturedly. “Give Ms. Potts some credit. It is very tasteful and well done.”

“But what is it?” Tony was getting irritated at Tess’s non-answer answers. 

“You’ll find out if she ever shows you.”

“But. . .But.” Tony whined, “why can’t you tell me?”

“Because every woman has her secrets. And she has too much incriminating evidence.” Tess replied easily.

“This will drive me crazy you know,” Tony growled, “When I have a nervous breakdown I will make sure that they blame you.”  
“Don’t blame me for your inability to ask the right question nicely,” Tess said with a smirk in her voice. There was silence, and Tess could almost hear the gears in Tony’s brain grinding.

“So,” Tony said slowly, “Hypothetically speaking.”

“I do enjoy the hypothetical.”

“In theory.”

“I also enjoy theories.”  
“You think if I asked nicely she’d show me?” There was a pleading hopefulness in Tony’s voice.

“I think that if you ask nicely and in the right way,” Tess trailed off.

“Yeah?” 

“I think she probably, maybe, wouldn’t murder you.”

“No,” Tony grumbled sourly, “she’d make it look like an accident.”

“Yeah, got that right. Look Tony, I had better let you go, I don’t want to face Pepper if I make you late for your meeting.”

“Fine,” Tony sighed melodramatically, “You’re no fun anymore Tess.”

Tess laughed. “That’s cause I work for the government now.”

“Well so do I and I still manage to have fun.”

“That’s cause you have all the cool toys.”

“Hm. Your right I do.” Tony said smugly.

“Hey Tony,” Tess said in a serious tone, “You don’t need to use Pepper’s number to call me ok?”

“Oh.” Tony sounded surprised. “Um ok. So?” Tony was confused.

“So,” Tess said frankly, but kindly, “If you want to call me you can. Not that I am asking you too,” Tess said quickly clarifying, “But if you did I would take the call. So no more cloning Pepper’s phone ok?”

“Ok,” Tony said with a laugh. “Thanks for covering for me on that one Tess.”

“You so owe me for that one Stark.” Tess gave an evil chuckle. 

“Shit.”

“Too right. Go be a billionaire now.”

Tony gave a reluctant sigh, “If I have too.”

“You do. And Tony?”

“Yes oh Salty sea dog?” Tony said with good natured humor.

Tess gave a laugh, then became a bit more somber. “Take care of yourself alright?”

There was a small pause. “I’ll try. Bye Tess.”

“Bye Tony.”


End file.
